The Importance of Self Reflection in Motherhood

At the end of each year, you’ll start seeing “year in review” videos and post montages from your social media connections that platforms have put together for users making it easy to press play and reminisce on what you’ve shared over the last year. It’s a fun way to look back at old photos and remember those cute things that your children did, those vacations you took, and those impromptu dance parties during a playdate with friends. 

While the “year in review” posts are light hearted and fun, the idea of reflection is nothing new and certainly not siloed within social media. It’s a natural human tendency to reflect on how things are going and reminisce about changes that happened within our families and careers – both the good and bad. Unfortunately, our busy lives and crammed schedules prevent us from slowing down and taking time to reflect…and rest…regularly. 

As a busy mom who is considering returning to work outside of the home soon, or has already pivoted back to paid work and is wanting to move forward with intention, it’s time to make time in your schedule to pause, reflect, and enjoy the benefits that self reflection can bring to not only motherhood, but for those big life changes coming your way.

The Importance of Self Reflection and Why we Hesitate

Reflection is simply the process of remembering past experiences and carefully considering what you can learn from them. Reflection takes past actions, behaviors, and emotions, and processes them to more deeply understand them. 

As a mother, you may be thinking that there are some things that happened recently that you would rather forget rather than sit in reflection. Reflection can be difficult and requires us to be vulnerable, reliving moments of embarrassment, mistakes, hurt, and confusion. Even so, a recent Harvard Business Review article encourages us to not take self reflection for granted, as it’s been proven to propel leaders and provide success in many facets of life. We can learn from our mistakes and take valuable lessons with us that propel us towards positive change in business and in motherhood. Reflection provides insights into the WHY things are happening, allowing us to be proactive in our actions instead of reactive. Reflection puts us in charge of our circumstances instead of the other way around.

If you are nervous to try self reflection, I encourage you to give it a try a handful of times and then make your assessment after weighing the discomfort it brought with the benefits you received. 

Benefits of Self Reflection in Motherhood 

Motherhood specifically can greatly benefit from regular self reflection. As any mother to adult children will attest, our children grow up f-a-s-t. We blink and they are no longer our snuggly babies. Regular reflection allows us to savor the precious moments we have with our children and hide them away in our hearts. Reflection can solidify moments in our memories so that we don’t forget them as quickly. We don’t want to miss a thing while they are growing, and reflection can help us with that throughout their childhood. 

Reflection can also help us when big life changes are coming to our family. For example, if you know that a new baby will be joining your family soon (congratulations!), you can reflect on how your other children have adapted to change in the past and proactively help them prepare and transition even before the baby comes. 

Benefits of Reflection For Your Career

If you are thinking of going back to work after being home for a while, reflection can help you determine what you want to do, where you want to work, how many hours you want to work, and if you want to work in an office or at home. Ponder questions such as: 

• What did I enjoy doing for work before I had children?

• Will I still enjoy doing that now that I am a mom?

• When I had the opportunity, how did I choose to spend my time during my career pause?

• What volunteer roles did I take on and would I like to incorporate that work in my return?

• What household logistics will need to change if I work outside of the home?

• How will I be able to manage and balance all of my tasks if I work from home?

Reflecting on these questions (which is certainly not an exhaustive list) can help you establish goals, gather your village to support you during this transition, and set you and your entire family up for success when the time comes to make the change. 

If you are already working, self reflection can help you regularly assess if anything needs to change in order to keep your career goals and family priorities aligned. Oftentimes, it’s very hard to balance a career with family life when clear boundaries aren’t set or if the lines between who is responsible for what gets blurred. 

How To Make Time For Regular Reflection As A Busy Mom

If you are on board to make self reflection in motherhood a regular practice in your life but don’t know how you will ever fit it in between piles of laundry, soccer practice shuttling, meal prep, and everything else on your list, here are a few simple tips for implementing reflection into your day-to-day life.

1. Find times where your brain can breathe. Even if your body is busy, your brain might have a chance to slow down. For example, if the kids are chatting amongst themselves when you are the carpool driver, take the 15 minutes in the car for reflection. If you are folding laundry after the kids are in bed, that is the perfect time to spend 20 minutes in reflection instead of turning on Netflix. 

2. Schedule it into your day. Reflection is important, so putting it on your calendar is one way to make sure it gets done. Put it on your phone, set a reminder, and sit down for reflection time. If daily is too much, try scheduling it 2 or 3 times a week and go from there.

3. Make reflection a family activity. A bit non-traditional, but making reflection time a family affair is a great way to make sure it happens. You can have everyone reflect on their own, silently, or turn it into a group discussion to reflect on something that happened to the entire family. You can start this with your kids at a young age by asking simple questions and encouraging them to share.

If the thought of adding self reflection to your to-do list stresses you out, start out slow and find small moments here and there where you can ask yourself a simple, “how did that go” question. Take a moment to think about it, then move it. It doesn’t need to be anything formal or stressful. You can make it work for you.

Get Support For Those Big Life Changes

Motherhood is a special time in our lives when we have the honor to see our children grow from tiny newborns dependent on our every need to full grown adults who are ready to spread their wings. Reflection is an important part of that process to help us navigate the many life changes that happen along the way. 

If you are considering returning to paid work after a career pause and need support as you reflect on your past experiences and where to go from here, Parents Pivot is here to help. We’d love to help you process through your experiences to propel you into your next stage of life.  Explore our 1:1 and group coaching services to learn more. 

Upleveling Your Prioritization Skills To Boost Your Career

School. Chores. Soccer Practice. Health Appointments. Birthday Parties. Community Fundraisers.

This is probably just an eighth of the items on your to do list, right? It’s easy to become overwhelmed by everything we have on our plate as moms. I’m here to encourage you that there is a better way to get things done than just tediously checking off our to-do list tasks and repeating the same process the next day. Putting together a strategy based on family priorities not only helps us find a better day-to-day balance, but also gives us permission to step off the hamster wheel and focus on what matters most.

How To Uplevel Your Prioritization Skills As A Mom.

Here are a few key steps to take to improve your prioritization skills as a mother and achieve better balance in your day-to-day routine:

Determine what is most important. The to-do list of a mom is long and it’s easy to start at the top and chip away at it one by one. But that isn’t always the best way! Choose what matters most to you and your family, and keep them at the top of the list. Once you are focused on those things, you can fill in the other items on the list if and when you have time. And limit those things that are a priority to 2 or 3 things.

As an example, the 3 things that get top priority on my list this week are:

1. Integrating our new puppy into our lives! Luckily he is an older puppy (17 weeks) but house training requires some time and flexibility.

2. Trying our best to have 1 parent be at each of my kids' sports games.

3. Close the deal with a global company to provide working parents workshops, toolkits, & support services.

If you want to dive deep into prioritization skills and methods, there are tons of resources out there on prioritization that I recommend, including 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey which is both a book and a course, as is Do What Matters Most by Steve & Rob Shallenberger.

Set goals. For each priority you identify, set a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound) goal. These types of goals help you to determine what actions you need to take to reach them, and allows you to know if you were successful in achieving them.

Here’s an example: 

Specific: Have 1 parent at each sports game

Measurable: Did at least 1 parent show up to each game?

Achievable: Collaborate with my husband at the beginning of the week to talk through when we are each available and divide and conquer between kids. If there is a schedule conflict, check in with the kids to ask them what game they most want us to attend this week or if we are unable to attend what else can we do to let them know we support them like writing a note and leaving it in their sports bag or letting them know on the way to school that we will be rooting for them from a far during their game.

Relevant: Supports goals around showing up for the important moments in our kids lives

Time Bound: revisit on a weekly basis

Purge what doesn’t support your goals. In setting priorities and goals, you’ll find that there are some things you’ve been spending your time on that just don’t make sense. Why have I been taking my daughter to dance class every week when she would rather focus on soccer and it makes Wednesdays’ schedule crazy? This isn’t an easy process, but getting rid of the things that don’t support your goals will help you tremendously prioritize and find balance.

Implement a time management strategy. Effective time management equates to less stress, enhanced confidence, and more peace in both your work and home life. Utilizing good time management techniques can allow you to get more done in less time, freeing up time for family, rest, or recreation. Working 24/7 is not good for your physical or mental health, so it’s critical to prioritize breaks and downtime when managing your time. 

Learn to say no. You have determined your priorities, set goals, and implemented a time management strategy that is making life manageable…and then you get asked to volunteer, lead, host, contribute, participate in [insert thing here]. Sometimes it’s OK to add new activities or responsibilities to your plate if they support your priorities and goals. And sometimes it’s OK to say no. Learning when and how to respectfully say no is critical to keeping a healthy balance in life, motherhood, and work.

Celebrate! You have a lot going on, there is no doubt about it. When things go well, don’t forget to stop and celebrate your accomplishments. That might mean taking time to practice self care in the midst of the busyness, or choosing to practice gratitude in the moment. Whatever it is, this step is important!

What Happens When Priorities Change?

Every mom knows that adaptability is often the name of the motherhood game. As soon as your baby gets into a great nap routine, they will decide to drop a nap and you have to reconfigure the entire day around a new schedule. Or you finally get into a decent rhythm for after school extra curricular activities for your soccer loving kids, just in time for the season to end and now it’s basketball season with a new practice schedule. 

As our schedules change and our children grow, circumstances and priorities change. It’s a part of life. Embrace the change and reconsider your priorities regularly to make sure you are still spending your time in the right places and ways. You don’t need to be spinning your wheels investing time and energy into old tasks that no longer make sense for your family.

Prioritization At Home Can Boost Your Out-Of-The-Home Career

If you are considering a pivot back to paid work after a career pause, your prioritization skills can boost your standing in front of hiring managers. Here’s why:

• Every team needs someone who can question how things are getting done. You are an efficient worker because you don’t want to waste any of your precious time. If there is a more efficient way to get to the end result, you will find it.

• Your work supports the big picture goals. You don’t just “do” for the sake of “doing.” You take intentional steps towards the end result and can adjust when things change or obstacles arise. 

• You aren’t afraid to respectfully say no, allowing you to keep your focus on your assignment.

• You are a cheerleader, for yourself and for others on the team. When you see something going well, you speak up and celebrate! This can do wonders for team morale and relationship building, which improves productivity.

Hiring A Coach Can Help You Showcase Your Mom Transferable Skills

You are the perfect candidate for dozens of positions in the job market. The key to securing your dream job after a career pause is building your confidence and learning how to position your mom transferable skills in such a way that attracts the hiring manager's attention. Parents Pivot offers both 1:1 and group coaching to help you every step of the way while returning to paid work. Reach out to us today to get started! Reach out to us today to get started!

Tips for returning to paid work part time

I enjoyed getting to collaborate with Mother Untitled for this article on returning to paid work part time.

“When I first heard the term ‘side hustle,’ I was still very much working on my main hustle as a full-time journalist. To me, it seemed like a word that could be interchangeable with ‘hobby.’

Then I left full-time work and my main hustle became preschool drop-offs, afternoons at the playground, and washing bottles. And more bottles. The bottle washing never ends. I started consulting, journalism became my ‘side hustle,’ and suddenly that term started to carry so much more weight with me. 

I wanted to be a full-time mom with a part-time career. Everyone I talked to before I made this transition said, ‘the work will come’ ‘you’d be perfecting for consulting.’ 

And while the work did eventually come…there was a lot of second-guessing, cold-emailing, and LinkedIn stalking along the way. Making the decision to find part-time work is a liberating (and scary) first step. But then what….? Actually having the conversations, finding the right work, and figuring out the childcare can be daunting. 

Here are 10 things you should do if you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s looking to work part-time. “

To read the full article click the source link below.

Has Motherhood Sharpened Your Leadership Skills?

“If your actions create a legacy that inspires others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, then, you are an excellent leader.” – Dolly Parton

If you have inspired your little one to take just one bite of broccoli at dinner, to learn how to tie her shoes despite the bunny ears not looping correctly or to study for what your kid thinks is the most boring subject in the world, you are an excellent leader, momma! 

You inspire, motivate, teach, and spark positive change in the lives of others. So what if you were the one to change their diapers? Motherhood IS leadership, and leadership is needed in the workplace today more than ever. If you are ready to return to paid work after a career pause or are considering a career transition, it’s time to learn how to position yourself as a leader by using your daily experiences to showcase your abilities. Are you ready for the challenge to claim your motherhood leadership skills?

The Top Leaderships Skills That Are Sharpened Through Motherhood

You may be wondering how doing a bottomless pit of laundry, breaking up sibling squabbles, and changing diapers has anything to do with leadership…let alone leadership in the workplace. Here are a few ways that you have been sharpening your leadership skills through motherhood every single day.

Leading By Example

Kids are sponges, aren’t they? The words that you say and the actions you take will come back to you when they start doing what you do and saying what you say. You always take care to choose words that will uplift and encourage them, and to show them how to be kind and loving towards others by making good choices. Because what they see and hear impacts what they say and do. To position yourself as leadership potential for a new job, lean in to this. Adults also need to be led by example. Toxic workplaces ensue because leaders show their teams what they need to do to get ahead by their own words and actions. You can embody a healthy, collaborative workplace by bringing the skills you’ve developed as a mother to “raise” teams that are thoughtful, deliberate, and kind. 

Communication and Conflict Resolution

You’ve learned how to communicate clearly to each person in your household, customizing your methods to their personality styles and, let’s be honest, mood. Communication is key to being an inspirational leader at work, and you’ve learned how to do it well in pretty much any situation. From high stress situations (tantrums, anyone?) to when encouragement and morale boosting is needed (the world is collapsing because teddy is lost!), you navigate the hard conversation with patience and experience. 

Here’s a practical exercise from a past Parents Pivot blog article on communication and conflict resolution that can help you practice workplace transferable communications skills:

If your children aren’t completing their chores on time, communicate your expectations clearly for the next time. Then, set and communicate realistic consequences if they miss their “deadline” or don’t do a good job. Telling them in person and then putting it in writing on the fridge (if they are old enough to read) is a great practice.

Adaptability 

If there is one thing that is true in motherhood, it’s that your routine and schedule won’t stay the same for long. Change is inevitable and swift when kids are around. Once you finally feel like you have the nap schedule down, your child will decide it’s time to drop a nap. Once you finally have a handle on your after-school schedule, your kids’ extra curricular groups change and you have to adjust again. Adaptability - responding to changing circumstances - is an incredibly valuable skill in the workplace. Just like children, our world is changing at an unprecedented pace thanks to technological advances. If you aren’t changing with it, you’ll get left behind. Don’t be afraid to speak up about your ability to adapt and flex with the good of everyone else in mind. When working with a team, you’ll be the backbone of the group if you can do this well.

Strategic Thinking

You know how you flex your muscles as a super mom by successfully managing summer camp schedules, vacation logistics, that huge home improvement project, a meal and laundry schedule, all while keeping everyone (relatively) happy? That takes strategic thinking from a mastermind! At home, you have to think 5 steps ahead, consider budgets and schedules, and preferences. As a leader at work…ditto! Your experience running things at home, and how you strategically place commitments, responsibilities, and opportunities into the fold is highly transferable to your experience as a leader.

Empathy and Emotional Intelligence

Motherhood is beautiful because it opens up our eyes to see things from a different perspective. It’s not just about us anymore. We have empathy that runs deep and raising a child produces emotional intelligence for how to use our emotions to make things better. We use empathy to diffuse situations, resolve conflict, build relationships, and relieve stress. Your children respond positively to you when they feel seen, heard, and understood. The same is true of adults at work. No one wants to follow a leader who sits on a high tower. They want someone who can meet them where they are and work out the kinks of business with them. You’re the perfect person for the job. 

Embrace Your The Leaderships Skills That Motherhood Has Given You

If you are ready to pivot back to paid work after a career break while you cared for your children, or are already in the workplace but looking to switch careers, now is a great time to do so! Explore the many free resources offered by Parents Pivot on our website, from the Return To Work Must Haves Video to Overcoming Aging Checklist, to our blog, and self guide care. We also offer 1:1 and group coaching that provides customized, strategic action steps you can take to secure the job of your dreams! We can’t wait to partner with you in your return to paid work.

It Takes A Village: Building Your Working Mom Support Network

Returning to paid work after a career pause is a big decision. It will impact not only you, but your children, your partner, and change your entire household’s routine and schedule. That’s not a bad thing – it can be a really good and exciting change! But it is still a lot to process and prepare for. 

The old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is absolutely true, and I would argue that the village needs to be a little bigger when the mom returns to paid work. Yes, our children need a village…but YOU, momma, need a village too. 

Take A Look Around: Support Network Perspective

One foundational element to building your working mom support network is perspective and awareness of your circumstances. Grounding yourself in your current position in life brings intentionality and awareness to both those who can help you, but also those you can help.

Look ahead of you: who has walked the path and experienced this before you? What can you learn from them? What did they try that worked, or didn’t work? What encouragement can they give you when times get hard?

Look beside you: who is headed in the same direction and needs someone to take the steps together? How can you hold each other’s hands when you feel nervous or scared? How can you pat each other on the back when you see forward progress? How can you hold each other accountable when you are ready to turn around and stop?

Look behind you: Who is about to journey down the same path as you and could use your experience to encourage them with practical advice? How can you give back to them and offer them the same advice and support you know you needed? 

Identify at least three people, one for each category, and make an effort to connect with them this week. Catch up on life, ask them questions, share your concerns and struggles alongside your wins. Ground yourself in your current position and you’ll start to build out your working mom support network.

Who Should Be In Your Working Mom Support Network?

A varied and diverse group of people who are supportive in your pursuit of being a working mom is essential to your overall success. Achieving your goals, both personally and professionally is important, and attainable! Let’s do some workshopping together to determine who the right people are to add to your support network. Grab a notebook and a pencil and journal your thoughts on the following questions:

• Who are the five people that you spend the most time with (the kids don’t count!)? These are already a part of your village and are the best place to start! Some of these people are likely the answer to the questions below…

• What values do you hold as you consider pivoting to paid work? Who embodies those values that would be a great influence on you?

• Who is your outlet after a long day? Who can you vent to about work? About the kids? About life?

• Who has experience setting up a healthy work/life balance from whom you can learn and get advice?

• Who do you trust to be completely honest with you and hold you accountable to taking steps towards your goals?

• Who are those ahead of you, beside you, and behind you?

By now, you should have a list of names that make up your village. Make an effort to reach out to them specifically to share your goals, aspirations, and requests for how they can help during your career transition. And if your network isn’t as robust as you’d like, consider THRIVE group coaching with Parents Pivot.

The Support You Need: Pivot Pack, Your Career Comeback Community

If you are looking for other moms just like you to add to your village as you take the bold step to returning to paid work - you are in luck! The Pivot Pack is an online community of returners just like you with a digital course and weekly live workshops led by Anna McKay, founder of Parents Pivot and the Parents Pivot coaches to help you in your career return or pivot, making it an easy and inspiring process! 

This program will provide you with a toolbox of well-suited tips, tools, and resources partnered with accountability and community so you can thrive in your job search. You’ll meet other moms who are beside you on the path to returning to paid work – you are not alone on this journey!

Learn more and sign up for the Pivot Pack here.

How Saying “No” To More Ice Cream Prepares You To Return To Work

“Can you volunteer at the next elementary school fundraiser?”

“Are you available to babysit my kids while I run errands tonight?”

“I’d love to have you join this new community book club I’m starting. Are you free?”

“Mommy, can I have more ice cream?”

Are you a people pleaser? I know I am. Without any regulation, my default answer is “yes” to all the things. As a mom who cares about my community, the school my kids attend, my friendships, and of course, my children, there is a lot of pressure to please everyone, do everything, and somehow still handle the laundry. So sometimes…a lot of times…I have to say no.

But, us moms have the hard job of saying no when it’s not the easy thing to do, when it causes a meltdown, and when we just can’t keep going at our current capacity. Believe it or not, this is a skill that translates exceptionally well to the workplace. Saying no in order to protect a project, your team, and even your own work’s integrity is a skill that often brings new and exciting opportunities! Learn how to showcase this during an interview so that hiring managers take notice.

Why is it hard to say no at work?

When you reenter the workforce, you’ll face a variety of pressures and challenges that will put your people pleasing tendencies into high gear. You’ll want to make friends, keep your manager happy, and gain recognition and rewards for a job well done. Unfortunately, sometimes saying no is what is best for everyone, and you may be the person who has to say it.

Lucky for you, you’ve had plenty of practice. When your child looks at you with those puppy dog eyes and ice cream goatee and asks, “mommy, can I please have more ice cream?” You say no even though you want to say yes to that precious face. You say no because you have all of the facts: 1) more ice cream will boost their energy and have them bouncing off the walls later, creating more work and stress for you later. 2) they will get a stomach ache and feel awful later. And 3) you have their overall and long-term health in mind and don’t want to promote a sugar addiction.

This same strategy can be used at work. For example, if someone asks you to take on additional work for a project, you can assess all of the facts and make your decision with confidence. Perhaps you know that 1) this additional work won’t actually help the bottom line and therefore isn’t worth the effort. 2) That your current assignment will suffer if you take on more and therefore cause more stress for you later on. 3) you know taking on the work will mean overtime for you, which you are currently not approved to take (nor do you want to). And 4) you know how to provide alternative solutions.

Showcasing Your “Saying No” Skills During An Interview

So now that you know ‘saying no’ to more ice cream has prepared you for a return to paid work, it’s time to convince the hiring manager. Trust me, it won’t be hard to do if you are prepared and ready to promote your skill with confidence. 

Here are a few easy ways to frame your skill and blow away your interviewer:

“I can clearly say no without beating around the bush” 

This statement reveals your direct communication style, your no-nonsense approach to important topics, and that no one is going to misunderstand your response. Not only will this help when navigating co-workers and clients, clear and concise communication is a great leadership skill.

“I excel at providing alternative solutions.”

When your child was told “no more ice cream,” I’m guessing the response wasn’t an easy and calm, “Ok, I understand.” You had to come up with a distraction or offer another food option. At work, you will be able suggest other ways to help, or offer advice, to move forward without your direct help.

“I prioritize what is important.”

This is a highly attractive trait during the hiring process. To know how to manage your time and task list in a way that increases efficiency and productivity is a slam dunk skill! Saying no to something means you are saying yes to something else – something more important that will help you achieve the goals you are striving to reach in your position. 

“I am respectful and considerate while also standing up for what I think is right.”

No one likes a pushover…nor do they like the office grouch. Just like you have to manage parental discipline with parental love, you know how to navigate conversations that end in you saying no with respect and consideration for yourself and others. That doesn’t mean that you’ll let things slide, but it does mean that relationships matter just as much as measuring success. This goes a long way towards contributing to a great work environment.

Build Your Confidence In Pivoting To Paid Work

While saying no is a great skill, it may be time to say yes to returning to paid work! If you’d like a partner to build your confidence and approach the job market with a strategy for success, contact me today to set up a free consultation. Let's strategically position all of your skills and experience as valuable assets that will leave you with a job offer.