Managing Difficult Conversations at Work And Home | Parents Pivot
Parenting develops skills that directly transfer to the workplace. One skill you’ve practiced ad nauseum as a mother is having difficult conversations. No doubt you have discussed with your children why bad things happen as they’ve heard the latest horrible news story. Maybe you’ve had to explain how Mr. Teddy got destroyed in the washing machine or why certain words are major no-nos.
As a parent, you’ve spent more than your share of time as a mentor and teacher to your children. You’ve honed your communication skills in unique ways--some less enjoyable than others. You’ve had opportunities to work through your child’s issues with your spouse, your child’s teachers, doctors, and other people who have worked with you and your children. Some of the more difficult discussions you’ve had may be with extended family members and friends who parent differently than you. And on top of all that, you’ve sharpened your listening skills, which is central to any communication skill. You’ve had to learn to decipher your children’s needs and listen to doctors’ recommendations and suggestions as your child has grown.
Managing difficult conversations with children
Managing difficult conversations with your children is a master mom skill that you’ve honed in your time as a parent. Kids, other parents, and family members with unwelcome advice – they all require master conversation-management skills. Commonsense.org provides a great break-down of how to manage these types of conversations, specifically for children at different ages.
Consider these tips for children at various ages:
Ages 2-7: At this age, kids begin to start developing basic understandings of the world around them. In general, it’s good to keep the difficult news under wraps as much as possible. However, when that’s not a viable option, listen to what they know. Once you know this, affirm your child’s emotions, explain things as simply as possible using vocabulary they understand, and reassure them that they are safe.
Ages 7-12: Children this age have more understanding and awareness of the world but aren’t yet ready to analyze the issues like teenagers are. When difficult topics come up with these children, consider focusing on the positive things in the situation (like how many people acted heroically), be sensitive to their emotions or curiosities, and encourage them to evaluate the situation critically while they’re in the safety of your home. Kids this age will also need to understand the context of the situation as they evaluate the situation.
Ages 13-18: Teenagers have major interest in what is being said online and what their friends think about topics. Getting over this hurdle can be difficult but you will still need to encourage them to engage in open dialogue with you. Admit when you don’t know something, ask them to consider solutions to big issues, and help them sort through the complex elements of major current events. Teenagers aren’t going to respond to lectures, so these difficult discussions may feel less formal but should still be intentional.
How to capitalize on these transferable skills
Taking these experiences and converting them into resume-ready, marketable skills is your next step. You’ll want to capitalize on your experiences during resume-crafting, interviews, and networking events.
Here are some skills to highlight:
Negotiating. As a parent, you’ve negotiated everything from allowance to meals and bedtime routines. In the workplace, these skills translate into negotiating sales deals, finding the middle ground for employees in your charge, and working with colleagues to find solutions to common problems. Discuss successful ways you’ve negotiated with your children and the benefits of the solution that eventually resulted from the negotiation. Explain that these negotiations were often made with a child lacking well-developed reasoning skills and why that makes you more qualified to negotiate with adults in the workplace.
Teaching and explaining. Moms spend an extensive amount of time explaining important things to their children and it takes a deep understanding of a concept to gather the necessary information to explain the ins and outs of a concept. With children, you have invested a lot of time explaining basic concepts in life as well as more complex things. Explanations about sad things when grandparents pass and simple concepts, like how to tie a shoe. As an employee, you’ll be able to use these skills in leadership positions and as a member of teams. Capitalize on your abilities to find out where someone is so that you can get them to where they need to be as you explain concepts and situations in the workplace.
Listening. Having difficult conversations often begins by listening to others’ perspectives. Parenting naturally requires honing listening skills during discipline, difficult discussions, and other conversations. Parents need to listen to decipher their children’s concerns, needs, and complaints. Listening allows for better communication and problem-solving. Don’t be afraid to tout the listening skills you’ve honed as a parent. Give examples of how your listening skills helped you solve problems with your children, spouse, or other related adult. How did listening help you provide a more well-informed response? How did listening help with problem-solving with your spouse or your child’s pediatrician? These same skills transfer to the workplace on a daily basis.
Understanding the audience. Interpersonal communication issues often come down to not understanding the perspective of the audience. As a parent, you’ve spent considerable time focusing on understanding the perspective of others, including your children. Other parents often come from backgrounds and experiences that are different from yours, as well. In your experience as a parent, you’ve learned how to navigate responses to others who have a different perspective from you. This skill is important in the workplace, especially workplaces that have people from various backgrounds and perspectives. With these skills, you’ll be able to anticipate how to appeal to colleagues, customers, and other stakeholders in the workplace.
Perfecting tone. A person’s tone of voice can greatly affect how impactful and successful their message is. As a parent, you’ve had to manage your own tone during conversations with your children. The more effective your tone, the more successful the outcome will be. Ineffective tone can add to stress in the workplace and take away from progress and success. It’s important to discuss how you read the audience and use an appropriate tone of voice to help reach a successful outcome in a situation. As a parent, you’ve practiced using a calming tone during a stressful situation; that tone helps to relieve stress with heated emotions and turn it back to the facts at hand. This converts nicely in the workplace; colleagues who can use appropriate tone to discuss a project or issue will be part of work progress and workplace harmony.
You’ve already got it covered!
The difficult discussions you’ve had as a parent (as well as other skills) are directly transferable to the workplace. And managing difficult conversations is just one example! Trust your experience as you reach out during network events, tout your skills during an interview, or put together a resume. If you need help or more clarification for doing this, reach out to Anna for one-on-one coaching. Parents Pivot is here for you.
